We lost Dad Saturday night about 10:45 PM. I kind of browsed my digital photos of Dad. and this one of him talking to Danny Gard seems the most natural. It's probably not a real good picture, but it really was Dad ...
edit: Rather than start a new post I'l just add to this one
I got this mail:
"Mike, what is going on?? I'm drawing conclusions that I don't want too so I must have missed something in the past few weeks. "
Well, I have a little time so I'll give the long version. Dad is one of those people who never had a hobby. He farmed. From when he was in grade school until just the last few months Dad farmed. 5 years ago this fall we were working on a culvert in a field entrance and when he (a young 69 year old) bent over to pick up a log chain he almost passed out. We convinced him to go to the doctor. He was anemic and some tests didn't look right. A colonoscopy discovered polyps in his colon. Further testing showed them to be malignant and a kidney was involved. More testing got the Dr's really concerned. It seems the cancer was advancing toward the heart.
Quickly they scheduled surgery to remove one kidney and all the cancer they could. Testing showed this to be a kind that did not respond to any chemo at the time. Hopefully they got it all, because if not there was nothing much to do about it. After he recovered enough from that surgery they worked on the colon. It was found the cancer was too close to the anus to reattach, so they did a colonostomy.
The next year a retired neighbor helped me on the farm, which was great. I'm a lousy boss. If I have to tell you do this and then do that and then do something else ... I'd just as soon do it myself. Dale had been a farmer so I could say "we need to do this..." and turn him loose. If he saw something needing done he did it. The fall of the second year my son-in-law came to be a part of the farm. Which worked out well because Dale had taken to driving a school bus and just loves it. Just like Dale, I didn't have to boss, just point him in the direction. Dad recovered, but was never as strong as before. He did some field work, but did not spend all days in the tractor. He helped, and when he got tired he went home.
I'm going to skip to more recently. A year ago next Wednesday tests showed the cancer was back. However, there was now a new experimental drug that was supposed to be effective. It was "only" $46 a pill and you took 4 a day. Fortunately Dad qualified for a clinical trial that got the meds for a LOT less.
We noticed a change in Dad all through November. He was cold all the time, less active. The last half of the month he lost his appetite, had trouble keeping food down, just quickly declining. He developed a cough, and one day commented something had popped in his side. He suspected it was an old hernia. But we could not get him to have it seen about.
For Thanksgiving he said all he wanted was a few mashed potatoes and some noodles. We got one of his favorite cooks from the local restaurant to fix him some. He ate a couple bites of mashed potatoes and 3 bites of noodles. And they didn't stay down. Last Monday Mom got him to step on a scales and he weighed 138 pounds.
Mom finally called Doc Steve (Steve is a GP MD who was raised across the field from Mom and Dad). He told Mom just by how she described Dad's condition it sounded like an infection, but he really needed to be in the hospital. I got the local ambulance to quietly come get him and we took him to the hospital.
His diagnosis was there was a leak between one lung and the chest cavity, he had an infection, and his kidney was not functioning well. By mid week it became apparent he was not strong enough for the surgery. Also his blood pressure was too low and his blood was too thin for dialysis. The final outcome was pretty much assured. We all discussed his condition and his wishes and Mom signed a DNR form with the sons all agreeing to it.
He declined rapidly. From Friday morning, when his condition gave a glimmer of hope he might recover, to late Saturday evening when we lost him, was a quick and sudden slide. We had just late Saturday signed the papers for hospice to take over his care. I'm not sure anyone from hospice but his admitting nurse even saw him.
In retrospect it seems like sometimes you want to be careful what you pray for because you might just get it. I watched a couple other guys go through a long drawn out slow decline to the end and have to admit praying that Dad be spared that suffering. It also comes down to whether you actually believe all this faith stuff you've been talking about all your life. If I really believe it, why am I delaying Dad getting there?
So it has been a tough week. Actually a rather challenging 5 years. And for the first time I am facing a Spring with no safety net. It was just over 3 years ago Dad's Dad passed away. Now this. We all know this time will come ... but it doesn't make it any easier.
Oh! Arrangements:
Visitation Monday 5-7 PM
Funeral Tuesday 10:00
all at Prust-Hosch
